http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8137000/8137922.stm

One night, in the city of San Francisco, several of my friends and I were celebrating my best friend’s birthday. She was turning 17. The events began with sake-bombing in a sketchy Japanese restaurant. As we exited the premises, slightly tipsy, we pranced down the street, teeming with a strong urge to dance. Just then, we heard generic salsa music seeping out of a small, lit up restaurant; a restaurant that we figured was a dance club that we could ease our way into.

All nine of us sauntered in with our salsa hips ready and began heavily dancing. Looking around, we realized we had just crashed some sort of anniversary- an Armenian wedding anniversary. With this realization, we kept our cool and continued to dance. Laughing and smiling, the guests whom were actually invited warmed up to us and we all mingled into a mob of novice salsa dancers. The banality of the situation escalated when a middle aged lady approached me with her nephew in an old-fashioned attempt at marriage. We both laughed at the idea and I drunkenly danced away. As the group of us adolescents eyed around for free wine, the Armenian father, slurring his words, approached us and asked if we’d make a speech since we crashed the party. We obliged. All nine of us made our way to the edge of the small, makeshift stage, we linked arms and the microphone was passed to Rose in the middle. The couple being celebrated heard us speaking, put out their cigarettes, and strolled in, equally inebriated. Oddly enough, a huge, proffessional camera was recording us the whole time. It’s nice to know that we’ll be viewed on someone’s home video in years to come. After our cleverly improved speech we were almost sure we would be endowed with a drink from the open bar. Instead, the same man who invited us to speak, politely kicked us out. Pumped with a bloodstream full of adreneline we set out in search for the next party/event/house to crash.

Some rules that should be loosely followed:

1. Always be slightly tipsy. It help with gaining the balls to enter in the first place, thinking you’re good at improv, and also, just not giving a damn.
2. Don’t intentionally draw too much attention to yourself, especially if you’re underage and are trying to get into a bar.
3. Dress ambiguously. Always layer, with the bottom layer being black (bars like black).
4. Establish who the cool party animals are and incorporate yourself into their conversation or dance.
5. Don’t over extend your time. You’re lucky you made it in, now exit with as much dignity as you had when you entered.
6. Lastly, grab all the free shit you can find as you make a dashing exit. (i.e. goody bags, loose beers, lacey table cloths)

1. A perfectly fried egg in between two pieces of squirrley bread
2. Grape nuts in 2% milks with a few raspberries
3. Poached eggs on English muffins with avocado
4. Whole wheat toast with cream cheese, tomatoes, and avocados
5. Fruity pebbles in whole milk**
6. Oatmeal with cinnamon, brown sugar, rice milk
7. A superfood Odwalla bar
8. A cup of strawberry kiefer yogurt

**When I’m feeling risky

Television Shows

1. LOST (ABC)
2. True Blood (HBO)
3. Arrested Development (Cancelled)
4. Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)
5. Dexter (Showtime)
6. Whitest Kids U’Know (IFC)
7. The Daily Show (Comedy Central)
8. Nurse Jackie (Showtime)

Musical Artists

1. The Smiths/ Morrissey
2. Led Zeppelin
3. Regina Spektor
4. Beastie Boys
5. The Black Angels
6. Gogol Bordello
7. The White Stripes
8. 13th Floor Elevators